I have done it far too many times in the past few years. This time, i'm taking my stuff from Prescott, AZ to Albuquerque, NM. It's been a long time coming for this move and anyone who has read my posts at all, knows what this move is all about and how emotional it all is to me.
To catch you up, my ex husband, the father of my 3 children moved there 2 summers ago, and long story short... we fought an ugly custody battle over our 6 year old son in which he ended up winning. So, he has had my precious baby with him there. My 14 year old stayed with me and my 16 year went there. Both by choice. My 14 year old has been there with him now since the holidays when he lost his father. I knew i'd be heading over, so I let her stay.
I'm both excited and nervous about this move. I have friends and family there i'm looking forward to catching up with, art shows I've signed up for and above all, my 3 kids. I would very much like to have all of them at least 1/2 the time. One would think that this would be a workable option. However, my ex is not being very agreeable to this. His last email to me said this:
"As far as Jasper, every other weekend is more than sufficient. I am already going beyond what you are entitled to per the judges court order. I am not required by any means to go outside the current order. I recognize time with his mother is important, which is why I have offered every other weekend in addition to the allotted Holidays and breaks, as a means for you to see him more often. However, Jasper has a routine established here and is doing very well. I will do what is necessary to continue his established routine as much as possible. Life did not just pause since you left and its hardly fair to completely disrupt Jasper's life. This is his home and this is where he will need to stay on school nights as he is used to. Don't worry, Jasper is not a burden to Melissa. In fact, he enjoys doing his "homework" with Melissa while she does hers. If this does not work you and we cannot come to an agreement, then it may be best to simply follow the court order. The only thing we really need to figure out is Ronin's schedule once you are here and settled and have a job."
The truth is, he was awarded "Primary Custody" so that Jasper would have a primary residence, since we were living in 2 different states. We were always meant to continue to co-parent in decision making. I don't recall any of the court ruling giving him permission to run a dictatorship, but, this was how our entire marriage was. He's not been very kind in regards to our children and custody. (i'll talk more about it in future posts) I am fully entitled to hve my children, and I things were to have ended up the other way around, and he was moving his life to where I was, i'd not think twice about making changes to allow him ample time with Jasper. I am so very tired of fighting. It' not that I don't he any fight left in me, it's just that I am TIRED of it! This man and I made 3 children together, we raised them together until we split, then we did 50/50 for a few years. (Actually, he kept trying to have Jasper more.... and when our oldest and I had a fight one weekend, he basically kept him at that point, coming into my house when I was away, getting his clothes, dresser, etc...)
So, now, I am moving my life to Albuquerque to be with my kids and he's going to be selfish...WTF?
This is not how I want to start my journey, but, I am not surprised by his reaction.
Right now, I am reminding myself to BREATHE and be present with myself, so I can respond and not react.
Praying that the powers that be give me strength.
