OH, LA, how i love you....always have!

http://www.lamag.com/the80s/2014/07/16/the-mystique-of-melrose-avenue
Great page! I remember a few of these place, especially Aardvarks~*~ 
Probably the beginning of my vintage obsession~

Dancing to the Violin

There are those times when the pain of what's going on around just sort of hits like a ton of bricks.  You're just going along with your day, easy peasy, then KABLAM! Next thing i know, i'm sobbing like a baby, i'm an uncontrollable pile of mush! I started this blog originally because i enjoy writing and sharing.  I have a rather large following on facebook, but it isn't necessarily the place to share more than snippets and tidbits of things, like quotes or pictures.  I wanted to write things about fun adventures that my kids and i have together, share about the life and times of raising a transgender teen, maybe throw in a book review or chat about a good/bad restaurant experience.  I have not posted anything since the custody trial last month.  Yes, it's been ONE MONTH since we went in front of the Judge,and STILL, no answer yet as to the primary residence of my baby boy, Jasper. I truly do not understand what could be taking the Judge so long to decide.  I'm sure he has a lot on his plate, several cases to contend with, but why not come up with an answer within 48 hours? It's still fresh in the brain, the memory of everything that was said, how each party represented themselves is still vivid.  I feel as though my life is on hold.  I'm waiting, everyday...waiting.  I was alone from 6/3 until 7/13.  As per our "parenting plan" for Bushai and Ronin, I get all of the kids in May, and Josh in July.  I wold have gotten Ronin back earlier in July, but, i had asked that she stay until the 7th because due to a festival i'm involved in, i know that 4th of July weekend would be really hectic and i'd barely be home. I was then asked if Ronin could stay an extra week.  This came as a surprise since she and her father have a somewhat volatile past, but, I figured if she was requesting it, and it made her happy, sure, why not.  On the evening of the 13th, the day before I was to get Ronin, I put in a request from Josh that I get some time with Jasper.  Not only was the answer no, but, he informed me that Jasper would be staying in Albuquerque with his grandpa for the day and I would not be seeing him.  The list goes on and on and I WILL be posting my side of the story piece by piece. 
For the past week, the  weight of it all has taken a toll and I have been moody, cranky and tired.  I'm down, depressed and utterly exhausted. Everybody has asked me about it, and although I appreciate the concern and love, I cannot seem to get a word out about it without turning into mush.  I have cried more in the past month than I can ever remember.  I cried when my marriage ended, but not over loosing Josh, I was sad that what I knew as my family unit was going to drastically change.  It was scary and exhilarating at the same time.  I was a wreck this past Monday when, the school that Jasper Is registered for Kindergarten at started.  Ronin goes there as well, and I couldn't even take her to school that day.  A friend gave her a ride.  I knew that watching all the little Kindy kids walking in on their 1st day would not be a good idea.  I did take Ronin the next day and I had to walk her in because she had a load of stuff for the field trip they were about to leave on.  I wasn't in the classroom for 5 minutes when the art teacher came in.  She hugged me and said, "i'll bet you're glad to have all the kids back, huh?"  I couldn't even answer her.  I teared up and walked outside.  I moved to Albuquerque last summer after Josh because I knew it was create a "shit show" if I didn't.  I love Albuquerque, I love NM, I really do, but, it just didn't seem to fit this time.  I was depressed, I missed my small town, I missed my friends, my community, my life here.  I know that THIS is the place for me to raise Jasper, I know it is.  I hope that the Judge sees that as well.  Until then....I continue to use creative visualization, ask my community for prayers and stay positive~

40 Black & White Photos That Cannot Be Explained

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/old-photos-that-need-more-information
As promised, I do love old pics and whenever i get a link to something like this on my facebook feed, i'm going to post it here as a little place to collect them all~
Eerie and surreal, these images range from the jaw dropping, "WHAT IN THE WORLD?" to "Are you kididng me?" types of reactions. 
I truly enjoyed every one of them, but here are a few of my faves.

Nico - These Days

All the Pretty Colors

I tend to like pretty things.  It's true, I do!  So, when a film, or several films by the same writer/producer/director are just as pretty to watch as, say.... a parade of painted ponies, I say: YES!!!

Last night, I had the pleasure of watching the newest edition to the Wes Anderson collection of films, The Grand Budapest Hotel.  I was unable to make it to the theater to see this gem, but, it must have been surreal on the big screen.  The color palettes were straight out of a child's sugar plum dreams. Every scene was delicious, every frame, spot on.  The cast was great, as always, even the two younger folks, Zero and Agatha, played by Tony Revolori and Saoirse Ronan were phenomenal, in and of themselves, but at every twist and turn, and new actor showed up in a caricature type character and well, it all just worked!

It just may be my new favorite Wes Anderson movie, but, i said the same thing after Moonrise Kingdom two years ago.  That movie was such a sweet and romantic coming of age story set in the 70's, and was truly meant to be viewed a visual cocktail, like something with coconut rum and a tiny little umbrella, as we all reminisced about our 1st loves and summer camp.

On tonight's viewing menu however, i have rented The Royal Tenenbaums.  Why? Well, i asked my boyfriend if he'd ever seen it, and he said he may have, but couldn't remember.  This movie is so very memorable, i wanted to make sure he could ad it to his "have seen" list.  This, for me was the 1st Wes Anderson flick that made me stand up and take notice.

  Ofcourse visually pleasing, as well and incredibly cast.  Every character in this movie is and absolute HOOT, and each actor in each role is perfection.  

If you have not seen this movie, it is MANDATORY! Go find it NOW!

Another thing that i just couldn't get over was the soundtrack.  I remember running out and buying it the next day and listening to it over and over and over.  Just in case you were curious, it'll be in the following post.

Screw you Paparazzi!

http://www.policymic.com/articles/91501/emma-stone-and-andrew-garfield-send-a-powerful-message-to-the-paparazzi?utm_source=policymicFB&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social

I'm not a big hollywood, starstruck gal.  I would rather NOT follow the goings on of the overly rich, overly spoiled, media modeled show biz types.

Having said that.....

What these two stars did makes me stand up and bow my head to them both~

HUZZAH Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield.  

This makes me happy!!!

The fight for Jasper

What is one supposed to do when it feels as though all of the air has been sucked out of their lungs?  Like the world is swirling around and your being bumped around as though in a washing machine?  

We all have out moments don't we? Those days when it literally hurts to get out of bed.

Today for me has been one of those kind of days.  

This is a new blog and i haven't given much history on me or my family, but that will come in time.  So read on dear reader and come back for more because believe, there is much to write about.

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday.  I celebrated it in style last week with my very sweet, very caring fella in Las Vegas and Southern Cali.  Knowing what i would be faced with today, we made our way back to AZ on Sunday.

When i woke up this morning, before my alarm, i wanted to wish it away.  I wanted to close my eyes again and dream away the day, maybe even my life.  But i knew taht there were things to be done.

At 8:50 am, dressed in a sweet frock of blood orange obtained at the local thrift store, grey tights, black flats and my nerd glasses, i walked up the stairs of the Yavapai County Courthouse.  My ex husband and his partner, a pretty girl 15 years his junior had arrived shortly before me.  At 9:00 am, we were welcomed into the courtroom.  He was greeted by his attorney, a sharp dressed, tough looking bald man who has a reputation in town for intimidation.  

My former husband took the stand, and was asked several questions about my legal standing and the traffic citations i had received in the past.  Josh was under oath, and i would not accuse him lying, but, his perception and memory of certain events were not as i recall them to be.  But, it's the past, and things get scued. 

Our memories have a way of filing things away and creating their own stories in our minds.  So, i sat, i listened, i may have even rolled my eyes a few times, but, it was his chance to be on the stand and it was his side of our story.

When i was allowed my turn, alone, representing myself, i made my way to the stand and sat down.  I was able at this time to tell my story, to express my reasons as to why i believe that Jasper, my 5 year old son, the party in question, would be better of with me.  It was EXCRUCIATING to say the least, but, i got through it with only maybe 2 teary moments.  Anyone who knows me, knows that holding in the tears is not an easy feat for me.  

Needless to say, after what felt like the emotional equivalent of the sinking of the Titanic in my heart, we were done.  I left the courtroom, exited the courthouse, and ran to my car before the water works started.  I was a complete mess.  I tried calling a few of my closest friends, including my boyfriend who talked me through about 15 minutes of uncontrollable tears.    

I went into my favorite little nearby bakery and had tea and lentil soup and the owner even came out and gave me a lovely fruit tart to, as she put it "take the edge off".  

The fate of my 5 year old child has yet to be decided, the Judge is taking our testimonies into consideration and will let us know "as soon as possible".

For now, i sit on pins and needles.

Waiting

Anticipating

Trying not to completely freak out.

Looking for my inner strength and power~

Calling on Kali!!!!!

*** काली ***

Kali also known as Kalika is the hindu Goddess associated with Empowerment, SHAKTI~

She is the FIERCE aspect of the Goddess Durga~